How do you sum up 18 months of crazy into one word?


Wherever you are and what ever you’ve been doing (or not) there may have been some kind of transformation in your life as well.

In the dictionary transformation means a marked change in form, nature, or appearance. I think it’s safe to say that over this time, many things have changed particularly with peoples’ nature. Its normal for us to change. Its normal for us to change beliefs and ideas. In fact, I think it’s one of the most fundamental expressions of being human.

Over the last 18 months I have been one of the ‘lucky’ ones and I say that without gaslighting myself. I have kept my job, although only in the last two months has my pay been similar to what it was pre covid times. We have all had to adapt and change to what is needed. I’ve had to move yoga classes online multiple times and, have also had the opportunity to welcome 14 people onto my retreats between September and May of this year.

I’ve seen how people gaslight themselves into thinking that they’re okay because someone else is worse off. Your lived experience is exactly that- yours! It means that whatever you are going through is hard for you. Don’t undervalue your circumstance. If it’s hard, it’s hard.

I think this was explained best when early in the first alert level 4 someone used the Maori proverb ‘He waka eke noa’ – we’re all in the same boat- when an actual fact we’re all on the same sea, not the same boat.

Recognising this for me changed how I looked after myself and how I spoke to myself. It didn’t come from a selfish place; it came from the awareness that I am allowed to think things suck in my world.

Do you give yourself permission to have moments to acknowledge that things just suck without justifying it away?

I think it’s the falsity of the self-help world. The self-help world prides itself on positive thinking all the time, a spiritual bypass if you will. The belief that if you just think positive everything will get better. That if you just write in your gratitude journal one more thing, you’re grateful for there will be a clash in the sky and everything will be coming out in rainbows.

Here’s the thing- I am absolutely here for gratitude. I do them daily and have done for years. Gratitude’s aren’t going to pull you out of a rut or transform how you feel if the underlying reason for you feeling crappy is not dealt with. If you’ve been fighting with your partner or kids, if you haven’t been listened to at work, if you’re feeling anxious or unhappy and you’re not talking about it with someone you trust. No amount of Tony Robbins or gratitude is going to get you out of it because it’s just all going to come back.

You are a human with such a range of emotions. You’re supposed to get angry, be sad, be ecstatic, be amazed or excited. You’re supposed to express them.

Part of your own personal transformation is about that. Accepting the sides of you that maybe you’ve been trying to hide. It doesn’t mean you have to share them all but it does mean you need to express them in some way for yourself whether that’s through journaling, counselling, healing or a trusted friend.

This has been me the past 18 months. I’ve realised how many supposed coaches and social media profiles have continued to perpetuate the positive thinking thing without adding what I’ve talked about above. I’ve noticed those who only show the positive. I’ve noticed those who have called businesses feminine because they’re being a mum, business owner and partner and earning ‘10K months’. To be honest, I’m sick of it. If that’s for them that’s cool but it’s not for me. So guess what? I unfollow.

I know- shock horror!

You actually have control over what you consume and how often. If you don’t enjoy someone’s content (including mine) you can unfollow. It’s important for your own mental health.

Who do you need to unfollow both online and offline as part of your own transformation?

It’s been a physical transformation over the last 18 months as well. Some of you will know that I started ocean swimming which lead me to deciding to compete in my first quarter ironman. It’s in November and has meant that I’ve been training regularly to get into shape. My whole body shape has changed. I’ve got bigger in size for my upper body which has meant that I’ve had to for the first time question online shopping sizes!

When you’re doing a physical transformation, it’s got to be about how you feel and why you’re doing it. You have to step away from your excuses and decide those two things. If you want to have a physical transformation you have to do it for yourself. There has to be a why but you also have to know how you want to feel. I feel so strong. I have muscles in places I didn’t know existed and I’m also a little bit tired from all the training! It’s all hard. It’s hard getting up and doing the training, it’s hard remembering to eat and drink more, its hard remembering to rest, but you know what? I will feel so proud when I cross the finish line.

Of course, there is also the transformation of business. Over the past six months I have been refining and considering what it is that I want to share with the world. It’s completely different to what I thought I would ever want to do and that excites me because its fresh. I don’t have a complete picture of it yet but I do have the categories that have brought me to this part of my transformation:

-Movement: this is of course the area of focus for yoga, nutrition, my own training regime and the science behind the body. Yoga classes in 2022 are likely to be packaged differently, so if you’re an in person regular do look out for them.

-Mindset: think of this as the practical stuff that I love to share. It’s morning routines, goal setting, boundaries and all the goodies that actually make a difference from a practical perspective.

-Money: oh my gosh! I love money. I have been learning so much over the last two years about money mindset, practicalities of money, investing and the energy of money. I am excited to share it with you particularly as this is something that is leading my husband and I towards the purchase of our first investment property.

-Magic: magic is all about nature, the elements and the cycles. It’s my gardening escapades and the gifts that we have from the earth. It’s about menstrual cycle tracking and how to live your life in conjunction with it. It’s about manifestation, oracle cards and also about the redevelopment and journey with my Christian faith.

I know that when I write all this down for you here that I am excited. I can see how the last 18 months has provided me with space to fall over multiple times and get up many more. I can see it as the space where I have come head-to-head with my mistakes of the past and have built myself back up for the future. Transformation is not pretty or easy.

My hope for you reading this is that you can takeaway the following:

  • Your experiences are no less valid than anyone else’s
  • You are a human and with that comes the full range of emotions. You are allowed to express them all in a safe way and ask for help when you need
  • Change is good. Change gives you clarity. Clarity gives you space to let go of what is no longer needed.
  • Transformation is hard whether it is physical or more mental and spiritual. It’s never going to be easy.
  • You choose what you consume. If you don’t like someone’s content- unfollow them. No one is making you watch them or it (if it’s a TV show)

I don’t know what the next year or two will look like. I’m just as nervous and anxious as many others. However, what I know to be true is that when you give yourself permission to be you, to have the big ideas, to share them, to be more present, to tackle what is really getting to you and to express it not only does transformation happen but you start to come back home to who you truly are.

I’d love to hear about things in your world that have been transformed- big or small-leave me a comment below or email me!


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